Tuesday, February 15, 2005

MARRY AN NCSYers CHILD?

PHEH:

I'm an NCSY alum, and one of the fun things about being an NCSY alum is every few weeks you receive a letter begging for money.

I am looking at one now. Way down at the bottom it reads:

PS: We need your old NCSY pictures! We will airbrush and crop to protect your children's shidduch opportunities! [SIC]

Directly beneath this plea, appears the NCSY tagline:

Guaranteeing Jewish Continuity Through Torah


UNFAVORABLE INTERPRETATION I:
We made you frum, but the jokes on you! If anyone finds out you were an NCSY member, your kids won't get married. (Now send us money.)

Tagline: Guaranteeing Jewish Continuity Through Torah So Long As No One Finds Out You Were A Member


UNFAVORABLE INTERPRETATION II:
We made you frum, but the jokes on you! If anyone learns that you were ugly and looked like a dork, you're out of luck! The phenomenal pettiness, and bigoted intolerance of frum Jews... like the sort you are now... because of us... will prevent your children from ever getting married! (Now send us money.)

Tagline: Guaranteeing Jewish Continuity Through Torah So Long As No One Finds Out You Were A Dork


UNFAVORABLE INTERPRETATION III:
Sure, we NCSY-insiders know that NCSY is full of boy-on-girl zmirot singing, but we're all cool here. Dig? So don't be afraid to send us your pictures of kumsitz make-out sessions. The secret is safe with us. (Now send us money.)

Tagline: Guaranteeing Jewish Continuity Through Torah So Long As No One Finds Out The Truth About NCSY